Recovering People Pleaser: Why I Won’t Pretend Anymore (Even if My Teen Calls Me Out 🙃)

As a recovering people-pleaser, I used to do exactly as I was told. Be who I was expected to be. And gosh — I was good at that. Acting. Masking. Pretending.

So good, in fact, it became my profession. At least on stage, the pretending had scripts and curtains. 🎭

But now, I’m done.

It’s taken me a long while to figure out who. I. am. What are my thoughts? Who is the person beneath the performance?

Here’s what happened: I accidentally swore on campus 🙊. My teenager was mortified. (I think because his friend was around?) He didn’t call me out on the spot — he waited until we were home. That’s how tactful and polite he is (wonder where he learned that? 😉).

The funny thing is — I didn’t even notice in the moment. But when he told me, I took his point. He was right. I’ll be more watchful, more careful, especially around other kids.

But I also told him: I’m not changing who I am.

There’s a big difference between pretending and adjusting. Between masking and modifying. For years I think I overcorrected. And truth? I’m still there in many ways — still learning, still adjusting, still figuring out the balance between authenticity and respect.

And here’s the heart of it: kids know. They sense when we’re faking. They may not always say it, but they feel it. And that’s how trust slips away.

I’d rather model honesty than performance. Because presence, trust, and authenticity matter more than looking polished. 🌱